sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
