If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
