Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
