the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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