I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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