I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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