Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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