I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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