I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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