haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
