At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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