It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
