can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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