To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
