Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
