Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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