This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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