She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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