Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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