No awkward lesbian experiences without me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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