What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
