Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
