i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
