My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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