Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
