On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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