walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
