I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
