loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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