I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
