Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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