Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
