I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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