Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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