Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
