Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
