the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
