I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
