so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
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nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
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the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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