like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
