I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
