I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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