My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
