I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
