Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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