worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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