I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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