Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
