just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I still have a little drunk in my system
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
