If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
