Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
