Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it's great music for shaving your balls
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
