your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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