I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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