Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
