At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
