Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
