never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
