Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
"it" just moved
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
