You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
