he thought i was a dude.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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