So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
