Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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