The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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