So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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