Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
