We're facebook friends in real life
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
