TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
