She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
