We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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