that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
