eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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