come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
