She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
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How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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