i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
