I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
