OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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