its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
