My pussy is not your playground.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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