If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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