The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
