you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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