I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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