He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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