It's a beautiful day for a hangover
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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