Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
