Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
