my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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