My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
