just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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